Decoding Mom

Where Are You? Find Your Stage

A Parent Field Guide

I’m a parent who…

Wherever you are in this journey, you’re not lost. You’re not behind. Find the stage that sounds like you, and I’ll point you to the resources that will actually help you right now.

↓ Scroll to find your stage
Decoding Mom · Where You Are Six Stages
0
Something feels off

I have a feeling something isn’t right, but I’m not sure what.

“They said he’s just a late bloomer. Why does my gut keep saying it’s something more?”

You’re here if…
  • Reading, writing, or focus is harder for your kid than it seems like it should be
  • The school keeps saying “wait and see” but something feels off
  • You’ve been Googling at 11pm and you still don’t have answers
  • You don’t even know what questions to ask yet
✦
Right now: Trust your gut. The earliest signs are real, and you don’t need a diagnosis to start paying closer attention.

Start with these

Ready for more If your gut is now a five-alarm fire, head to Stage 1.
1
Stop everything

My kid is struggling with reading. I know it. Now what?

“I keep being told to be patient. But every week we wait, she falls further behind.”

You’re here if…
  • You know reading is the problem. It’s not your imagination.
  • Your kid is avoiding, melting down, or shutting down around school
  • You’ve been told things will “click,” and they haven’t
  • You want to understand what’s actually going on under the hood
!
Stop everything and request a special education evaluation, in writing. Today. The science of reading is on your side, but the clock isn’t. Every other thing on this page can wait. This can’t.

Start with these

Once you’ve sent the request, head to Stage 2 to learn what’s coming next.
2
In the evaluation process

We’re in the middle of testing, and I’m trying to learn the language fast.

“They handed me a 40-page report and I don’t know which numbers actually matter.”

You’re here if…
  • Your kid is being evaluated, or you just got the MET / eval results back
  • You’re staring at iReady scores, WISC numbers, or a psychoed report and feeling underwater
  • You have an eligibility meeting coming up and want to walk in informed
  • You’re trying to figure out which scores actually mean something for your kid
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Right now: Don’t try to memorize every test name. Focus on what’s being measured, what’s missing, and what the school is choosing to emphasize (or quietly leave out).

Start with these

Walked out overwhelmed That’s Stage 3.
3
We have an IEP. But is it working?

The IEP is in place. Now I’m realizing how much I don’t know.

“They keep saying he’s making progress. He still can’t read. Both can’t be true.”

You’re here if…
  • You signed the IEP and walked out wondering what you just agreed to
  • You’re not sure what “progress” should actually look like
  • You want to know what real, evidence-based services look like (vs. what’s on paper)
  • Something feels off about the goals or the minutes, but you can’t put your finger on what
✦
Right now: Audit the IEP itself before you audit the school’s execution of it. A weak IEP is impossible to enforce. Fix the document first.

Start with these

Already pretty sure it’s not working? Stage 4 is yours.
4
It’s not working

The IEP isn’t working. I need to get us back on track.

“We’re a year in and the data is flat. I’m done waiting.”

You’re here if…
  • Progress data is flat, mixed, or suspiciously vague
  • The goals aren’t being met, or were rewritten quietly to look like they were
  • Services aren’t being delivered the way the IEP says they will be
  • You need to push for changes but want to do it the right way
✦
Right now: Get the data. Request progress monitoring records and service logs in writing. You can’t fix what you can’t see.

Start with these

  • ReadWhen “on track” reports don’t match what you see
  • TemplateRecords request email that gets resultsComing Soon
  • ReadHow to call an IEP meeting (and what to bring)Coming Soon
  • ReadWhen to request an IEE at public expenseComing Soon
  • ReadRewriting goals so they’re actually measurableComing Soon
School digging in Stage 5 is the escalation playbook.
5
Escalation

I’ve asked nicely. The school is digging in. I need to know my options.

“They keep saying no. I need to know what the next lever is.”

You’re here if…
  • You’ve documented the issue and the team still won’t move
  • You’re being told “we don’t do that here,” and you suspect that’s not true
  • You’re weighing mediation, due process, OCR complaints, or an outside advocate
  • You need to understand your leverage before your next move
✦
Right now: Slow down before you escalate. The path you choose shapes everything that comes after, and what looks like the fastest option often isn’t.

Start with these

  • ReadThe escalation ladder, from least to most formalComing Soon
  • ReadWhen (and when not) to hire an advocateComing Soon
  • ReadMediation vs. due process: what’s actually differentComing Soon
  • ReadFiling an OCR complaint, in plain EnglishComing Soon
  • ToolDocumentation kit: building your caseComing Soon
Not crazy, not alone Most parents end up here at some point. The path forward exists.
One more thing

Didn’t find your stage?

This page is a living map. If you’re somewhere I haven’t named yet, I want to hear about it. Tell me where you are, and I’ll point you to what I’ve got (or write what’s missing).

Tell me where you are →